At a Glance
This blog explores how self-criticism, often rooted in past trauma and conditioning, undermines confidence, resilience, and emotional well-being. It explains how Compassionate-Focused Therapy (CFT) helps individuals transform harsh self-talk into supportive self-compassion through mindfulness and acceptance, enabling greater empowerment, healthier relationships, and a more balanced, confident sense of self.
Self-Love Can Help You Feel Empowered
Before an important presentation, have you ever thought, “I am not good enough”, “I can’t do this”, or “People will think that I am a fluke”?
This voice may be familiar, but it’s harsh, critical and judgmental. The inner critic may appear when you are about to do something good, different or new. Self-criticism is a pattern of negative beliefs that pushes you toward impossible standards and, at the same time, leaves you feeling stuck or hesitant to move forward.
It is your mind trying to “protect yourself from harm”, and can be fueled by old trauma. A past incident of bullying, neglect or failure can often bring out your inner critic, who will try to protect you from the feelings of hurt and rejection. But it can also prevent you from achieving your best and become in control of your life.
Compassionate focused therapy helps you develop self-compassion and overcome self-criticism and negative self-thoughts. As a certified relational therapist, I offer a non-judgemental, safe space, allowing you to understand mindfulness and self-acceptance.
Please reach out to me by calling me or visiting my clinic in Central London or Cardiff.
Understanding Inner Critic
Instead of seeing your inner critic as a villain, you can think of it as an overprotective part of you, one that means well but often expresses itself in unhelpful ways. It tries to push you toward being your best, but the methods it uses can create pressure rather than encouragement.
The inner critic often shows up in everyday moments. You might notice it when you’re getting dressed and suddenly feel unsure about what you’re wearing. It can appear at night, reminding you of things you “should” have done. And before an important event, like an exam or presentation, it may bring up past mistakes and convince you that you’re not prepared enough, even when you are.
Its intention isn’t to set you up for failure, but to protect you from it.
Self-criticism is a product of past incidents, learned behaviour, social conditioning and evolutionary instincts. That inner voice comes from messages you internalised throughout your life, particularly those formed during childhood. Did your parents or teachers constantly berate you for how you could be better? Were you bullied because of your appearance as a teenager?
If you are a high-achiever or perfectionist, overcoming self-criticism becomes even tougher, as you hold yourself to impossibly high standards. While it helps you become successful, it also brings along stress, anxiety, dissatisfaction and unhealthy competition. When you fail to meet your own expectations, you suddenly suffer from worthlessness.
Mindfulness and self-acceptance are something I will help you achieve during my compassionate-focused therapy. I am empathetic and culturally attuned to varied forms of self and societal conditioning that might lead to an overpowering self-critical voice. My travels have exposed me to different cultures and the standards that they often hold themselves up to. As a queer, autistic therapist with ADHD, who has undergone therapy, I understand the struggles of being “different” and how it can impact your mental health and fuel your battle with your inner critic.
How Does Harsh Self-Talk Impact Your Life
Negative self-talk is very common and it can sometimes become overtly critical and mean. You start feeling hopeless, apathetic, and defeated. Overcoming self-criticism allows you to lead a more wholesome, happier and content life.
Increases Stress, Anxiety, and Depression
Those who suffer from an excessively negative self-critical inner voice can suffer from mental health issues such as stress, anxiety and depression. They become vulnerable to developing OCD, social anxiety and in some cases, suffer from psychosis.
The inner critic sets up almost unachievable goals and berates you when you cannot reach them. This leads you into a vicious cycle of stress, making it difficult to relax or focus on the work.
Weakens Confidence and Resilience
The inner critic exercises immense control over your self-confidence. You start experiencing self-doubt and low self-worth, which can make you question your capabilities and prevents you from taking risks or trying new things.
Your inner critical voice can get so loud that you often fail to hear the positive feedback and appreciations. This heightened focus on the negative can make you spiral out of control, preventing you from taking on leadership roles.
Hinders Positive Connection
Overcoming self-criticism is important to form healthy, positive relationships. Your low self-worth, anxiety and insecurity make you feel unworthy of forming new relationships. Social anxiety is a common outcome of a harsh inner critic.
Self-compassion in therapy will teach you how to love and accept yourself. I teach mindfulness and self-acceptance, which helps you with self-love, making it easier to open yourself to appreciation and love from others.
What Is Compassionate-Focused Therapy
Compassion-focused therapy is a psychological intervention that reduces distress and increases happiness. It teaches you compassion for others, to accept compassion from others and to accept self-acceptance.
As a queer, neurodivergent individual, I provide a safe environment, offering nurturing and self-compassion in therapy.
A compassionate focused therapy includes finding the trigger behind the harsh, negative self-talk while learning different skills to embrace mindfulness and self-acceptance.
I will also help you with different inner critic exercises to reduce harshness and turn your inner voice into an empowering and encouraging one.
- Instead of fighting the inner critic, befriend it. This will help you turn self-judgement into self-compassion.
- The inner critic tends to speak in absolutes, “You don’t look good in this,” or “You always get things wrong.” Instead of accepting those statements as facts, you can gently challenge them with a more balanced perspective, such as, “I can make this outfit work,” or “I’ve handled difficult things before.”
- A good inner critic exercise includes practising a somatic grounding exercise. Plant your bare feet on the ground, inhale for 4 counts, hold it for 4 more, and exhale for 8 counts.
- Write a letter to yourself, stating your strengths and weaknesses. Verbalising will help diminish your inner dialogue.
Work With Your Inner Critic To Turn Criticism Into Compassion, Book a Session With Me
You deserve to feel happy, confident, in control and be the best version of yourself. I understand self-criticism often stems from past traumas and instances of bullying, failures and neglect. Sometimes, self-critical dialogue reflects your circumstances and cultural upbringing.
My exposure to different cultures and personal experiences with identity and mental health give me a unique perspective, which I introduce during my compassionate-focused therapy. I will help you learn mindfulness and self-acceptance in a safe and confidential space.
If you are based in London or Cardiff, we can have an in-person session, or you can also have a complimentary discovery call to understand my approach and how it aligns with your needs.
If you need to quieten your inner voice, I am just a call away.
